Caffeine Headaches, Letting You Know That You’re Coffee’s Bitch

I used to avoid coffee. There were several reasons for this. I’m a lazy bastard and didn’t want to get up early by adding an extra step to my morning routine. I thought it tasted foul (I was so wrong!). I’m cheap. Yeah, there were lots of reasons. Even after I started drinking it, I was careful for quite some time to moderate my intake. Only a small cup now and then. But then the consumption increased slowly, because I have no self-control, and I finally have to admit something I have not wanted to admit to myself for some time. I’m a coffee addict. I know this because I have experienced that most dreaded of things…

The caffeine headache. Damn.

I do not like caffeine headaches. They suck, and I want to avoid them, so it’s time to learn more about the caffeine headache, just what causes it, and how to avoid it. They say knowing is half the battle. The other half seems to be lasers, but I don’t have access to those, so we’ll go with the knowing.

So just why do we get caffeine headaches? I tried blaming it on the coffee gnomes, but they threatened to break my kneecaps, so I had to look elsewhere. Scientists seemed like almost as good a resource as gnomes, so I went to, where they say caffeine does have a physical effect on us, by constricting blood vessels in the brain. Our body compensates by opening up the blood vessels, and when we stop drinking coffee, they dilate too far, and it hurts like a bitch.

Well that’s pretty easy. There’s no mystery behind the caffeine headache. I mean, it’s not like I needed a guy in a lab coat to tell me “If you stop drinking coffee, you’ll get withdrawl symptoms”, but the nerdy part of me does like to know just what the cause is. So how do we deal with it?

  1. The simplest solution, drink coffee. Duh. Give your body what it wants, and an hour or so later, it’ll stop. It’s like your body is a toddler throwing a tantrum. Bastard.
  2. Want to prevent the headache? Have the same amount of caffeine at the same time each day. Your body is a cranky old man who likes routine.
  3. Another prevention technique… stop drinking coffee. … BWAHAHA!! Oh man, I kill me.

There’s really not much else. Just stick to the coffee routine you’ve set, and caffeine won’t try to take a hammer to your hippocampus.

Of course, I’m not a medical expert. All I know is that the hip bone’s connected to the leg bone. If you have any other headachy caffeiney issues, go see a doctor..

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