Interview With a Monster – The Minotaur

So I was sitting in the cafe today, enjoying a nice dark roast, when the door opened up. This is not usually a strange occurrence, but this time I had to say “Holy cow!”

The Minotaur who’d just walked in looked at me and said “no, it’s just me”.

Well, I had to take the opportunity to do an interview, so I asked him if he’d like to join me. Fortunately, while I was expecting him to be bullish, he was quite acowmadating. So here’s how our little conversation went.


P.J.: I’m glad you could join me, Mr. Minotaur. Say, can I call you Minny?

Minotaur: Do, and I gore you to death.

P.J.: Mr. Minotaur it is! So tell me, what brings you here? Aren’t you supposed to be at the center of a maze somewhere?

Minotaur: Well, one of my victims in the labyrinth told me about the big wide world out there, that there was more to life than just goring and devouring people who stumbled into my domain. And you know what, I felt moooooved. He was right, I’d been trapped too long. So after I ate him, I packed my rucksack, booked a flight, and went off to see the world.

P.J.: Actually, I meant the coffee shop in particular, but it’s good to know that you’re expanding your horizons.

Minotaur: Oh, well I’m here for the coffee, of course! I need my fix.

P.J.: I wouldn’t have expected you to be a big coffee drinker. I didn’t think you could get it in your maze.

Minotaur: Are you kidding? I’m expected to be alert 24/7 in order to brutally murder anyone who enters my lair. I keep a Mr. Coffee right in the middle of the labyrinth.

P.J.: I suppose that makes sense. So how do you get the beans delivered?

Minotaur: Oh, people leave bags of beans at the entrance to the labyrinth as tribute. Very nice of them, really.

P.J.: Wait, I thought you weren’t supposed to be able to get out of the labyrinth. Isn’t that the whole point to why it was built?

Minotaur: Well, yes, but some idiot came in with a ball of thread. Gave me a path right out of the place.

P.J.: You mean Theseus, right? But legends say he killed you.

Minotaur: You can’t believe everything you read, you know. He went down a treat with a nice mocha/java blend.

P.J.: But he sailed back home, took over his dad’s kingdom. How do you explain that?

Minotaur: What? You think identity theft is a new thing? ID pictures used to be carved with a chisel. Do you know how easy those were to forge?

P.J.: Oh. Well, now that you’re travelling, what do you think of the world outside your lair?

Minotaur: It’s A-Maze-ing.


Minotaur: Hey, that’s no bull. It’s great out here. I’m not stuck staring at the same one million, four hundred thousand and sixty two walls all day.

P.J.: So are you angry at all at the people who put you in there, now that you know it’s so great out here?

Minotaur: No, no. You know what they say. To err is human. To forgive, bovine.

P.J.: Well, that’s good of you. It’s nice to know you don’t have a beef with us.

Minotaur: Not at all. Well, I’d better hoof it out of here. So much to see and do.

P.J.: Thanks for sitting down with me. I hope you have an udderly wonderful time.

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